Thoughts of a Rurouni
by Kaygi
Summary: Kenshin has just left Tokyo for Kyoto and he said goodbye to Kaoru. Now, he is having doubts about leaving. Find out how he is feeling and what he decides to do. Songfic to Redemption by Switchfoot. Oneshot. R&R!


Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Rurouni Kenshin or any music by Switchfoot. But maybe someday I will! MUHAHAHA!

A/n- This songfic takes place right after Kenshin leaves Tokyo to go to Kyoto to fight Shishio Makoto. Also, keep in mind that he hasn't met Misao jus yet, so he's traveling alone.

_**Thoughts of a Rurouni**_

**Song:** **"Redemption" by Switchfoot**

**Four A.M., Two hours to go  
I'm wearing out a lonely glow.  
I miss you more than I could know.  
Here I am, here I am,  
Won't you get me?**

Kenshin slowly opened his eyes. He was leaning against a tree in front of the remains of the fire he had lit. It had withered down into a few glimmering embers while he had slept. Looking up at the sky, he noticed that the once pressing darkness was starting to lighten. _It must be very early in the morning..._ The rurouni thought.

His thoughts went back to that night's past events. Only hours before, he had said his final goodbyes to Kaoru...

-Flashback-

_Kenshin had just explained to Kaoru that the Battosai within him was emerging more fierce every time and that he didn't want her in danger. Kaoru just stood there, staring at him. Suddenly, he pulled her into a loving embrace. He held her tight, savoring his last few moments with her. _

_"Thank you for all you have done. This one is Rurouni and must wander once again..." he whispered softly in her ear. "Sayonara..." _

_With that last word, he let her go. He stared into her eyes one last time. Before he turned around, he saw a single tear fall down Kaoru's cheek. This made his heart ache, to see her in such pain._

_Quickly, he turned around and walked away before he could change his mind. While he walked away, he heard Kaoru's sorrowful shouts of, "Kenshin!" He made sure he never looked back._

-End Flashback-

Her voice calling after him rang through his mind. It had been more painful for him than he had let her know. The truth was that he had become so attached to her that her felt more alone than ever. He had grown to love her and her company more and more every passing day. He _missed_ her..._desperately. _

"_But I had to leave..." _He thought to himself. "_If I hadn't, Kaoru-dono would be put in danger. Leaving was the only way to insure her, and everyone else's, safety. But, my heart aches... I almost wish she would come after me..."_

**I've got my hands at redemption's side  
Whose scars are bigger than these doubts of mine.  
I'll fit all of these monstrosities inside  
and I'll come alive, come alive.**

He shook his head. Why was he thinking this way? He was being selfish. If Kaoru followed, she would surely be endangered... because of him. Shishio would use her as a weakness, his _only _weakness... After all the lives he had taken as Battosai the man-slayer, he couldn't let one more person get hurt or killed... especially someone he cared this deeply for. The guilt of both the people he had killed and the possibility of putting Kaoru into danger laid heavily in his heart.

But, **would** Kaoru really follow him? Had leaving been the **best** decision?

_"Am I doubting what I did?" _Kenshin wondered.

It was a little too late to be doubting it though. He had already left. The job was done, but the battle had yet to start. Kenshin had to swallow his doubts and keep his vow... to _protect _others in order to _repent _his sins.

After tucking everything away inside, he was feeling less apprehensive, but still...

**With my fist down at your feet,  
I was running out of mysteries.  
Insecure and incomplete, here I am, here I am,  
won't you get me?**

He couldn't get the image of Kauro, down on her knees and sobbing, out of his mind. It felt like a part of his heart had been torn out, like his spirit had been crushed...

_"Kaoru, if you really care, you **will** follow after me... No matter how much pain and danger it will put you through," he thought._

**My fears have worn me out  
My fears have worn me out  
My fears have worn me, worn me.**

All of this worrying was making him tired...and it could all have been for nothing, too. He couldn't control what happened now. The exhausted rurouni leaned his head against the tree and closed his eyes. He needed to rest for the upcoming events and sleep felt good. The thoughts from before were silenced, put to rest, for now anyway.

-**3 Hours Later-**

A twig snapped behind Kenshin. Instantly, his eyes snapped open and he grasped his sakabato. Slowly, he turned his face to whatever was behind him. His eyes widened at who stood before him.

"Didn't mean to scare you," the person said.

It was Saito Hajime.

"Shouldn't you be traveling to Kyoto?" Saito inquired. "Because it sure doesn't look like it."

"I was going to get going soon," Kenshin replied.

"Well, don't just dawdle and waste time, let's get moving. There's a battle waiting, but its not here," Saito said and started walking.

Kenshin got up and followed him... to Kyoto... to Shishio Makoto... and, possibly, to Kaoru?

**-THE END!-**

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